They Never Asked If I Was Ready

What’s a moment that made you realize you were stronger than you thought?

They Never Asked If I Was Ready

They never asked if I was ready.
The sidewalk didn’t care that I was five,
just stretched itself toward kindergarten
and waited for my feet.

Someone put me on a bus at seven —
Eugene to Arizona, window seat,
the world unspooling like a thing
that had no use for my opinion.

I didn’t hesitate at twenty
standing in a suit that meant forever.
I simply became a man
the way a post becomes a fence —
driven in, and expected to hold.

Seventeen years of quiet rooms
that should have held a child.
Seventeen years of standing beside her,
both of us quietly
not drowning.

Then she came —
and her heart, that brave, imperfect heart,
needed saving before she knew
what saving was.
I carried her home, a tube taped to her nose,
her whole life asking something of me
I didn’t know I had.

But that’s the thing they never tell you
about strength —
it doesn’t always arrive as realization.
Sometimes it never announces itself at all.
Sometimes you are simply
already doing the impossible
before anyone thought to warn you
it was hard.

I was not strong.
I was just never given
the luxury
of being anything else.

Responses

  1. @1942dicle Avatar

    Your phrase, ‘Imperfect heart’ sits as a huge ferocious rock that crushed into my brain. And still there after my grown son (1980-2013) lost the battle against that monster rock. Stranger that I ever thought of myself, still dealing with that rock. A posthumously released book on Amazon Books: ‘How I Left This World’ will tell more.

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    1. Marc Jones Avatar

      I’m so sorry for your loss. Life doesn’t ask why, or when, we are ready. It just arrives. It’s what we do with the aftermath that matters. Two more heart surgeries later and she, at 30, is a radiant beam of grace and joy. Her vocalization is limited, but her being speaks well enough for others to bask in the glow.

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